My beautiful Baby girl. At least she was; now she is my beautiful Big Girl. Some days I still find it hard to believe that she is seven. It still feels like yesterday those two blue lines appeared before my eyes.
She is my eldest baby, my first baby. No matter how big she gets she will always be my baby. Even if she does always say ‘mummy I’m not a baby anymore’. She is to me.
I also remember all too clearly the day she came into this world. The day my life changed forever, the day I became a mummy.
Let us begin a few days before I gave. I went to my aunt’s house. She took one look at me and said ‘Char, your lips are puffy! You’re going to have that baby in the next few days’. I just last yeh okay. Now I always had a feeling I wouldn’t go the full 40 weeks, I myself was born 4 weeks early.
However when my waters broke 3 days later I wasn’t expecting to be in labour this early.
12.15am Tuesday morning, (I was 35weeks and 5days) I coughed! Yes, I coughed and I wet myself – or so I thought. I couldn’t believe it, my bladder control had completely gone, and I had wet myself how embarrassing.
I felt quite a bit of pressure in my bottom a few minute later and still not realising my waters had broke I went to the toilet. Thinking I was constipated I was sat on the toilet for two hours before I even thought it could be labour.
I went in to wake my husband (at the time boyfriend). He was not that much help, he wasn’t sure if it was labour either and told me to wake my mum. We were living there at the time.
My mum, as she does panicked. It was too early and she was worried about it. Now luckily we lived next door to a paramedic, who my parents were really good friends with. My mum sent my dad over to knock on his door at three O’clock in the morning. Bless him he came over to check me out.
He was presented with me sat on the toilet, still convinced I was just constipated. So naïve.
I travelled to hospital via ambulance with my partner, arriving at 3:45am. My parents followed closely behind.
I was already 8cm dilated. My mum and partner was in the delivery room with me. My dad was in the waiting room asleep across the chairs.
My mum, wiped my forehead for me. She was there by my side and did what she needed to do to help me, but not interfering.
My husband! I was so impressed with my husband. Even though he was nervous, he didn’t show it. He held my hand as a twisted it into awkward positions. He calmed me! He spoke to me and was only focused on me, and I listened to him. He was the only voice I listened to. The midwife told me to calm down, and slow my breathing down, I didn’t listen. My husband told me to calm down, and slow my breathing, I listened. He breathed along with me, making me follow his pace. He was brilliant. I later found out that he had spent the past few months watching birthing video’s at work.
My baby girl was born at 5.03am. I only go to hold her for a few minutes. She was weighed and I guessed her weight correctly at 5lb 3oz. She was shortly after taken too the special care baby unit (SCBU) as she needed a bit of oxygen.
So that was it, I was finally a mummy. I remember closing my legs quickly when giving birth, my daughter came out with a crooked nose and bruised face because of it, my mum ended up holding onto my legs.
My mum helped me shower after giving birth. I remember her saying ‘oh, isn’t she lovely?’ I immediately said ‘No, did you see her face she looks like a wrinkly bulldog’. She then agreed with me and said ‘well I didn’t want to be the one to say anything.’ It sounds awful that I thought my baby girl was ugly, however a few hours later she looked more normal and beautiful.
We spent the next three days in hospital before coming home. I struggled in the beginning; I didn’t feel like a mum, I didn’t feel like I was bonding with her. But after a few weeks that all started to kick in and I was able to bond with my baby girl.
My beautiful baby girl that is not a baby any more.