A letter to my baby girl born prematurely. You are a big part of the reason I wanted to start blogging. I just wished I had started sooner to log all my memories and thoughts throughout the first few months of your life.
To my baby girl…
The first time I held you
Four days! You were four days old when I first got to hold you. That precious time just you and me, kangaroo care all the way. I placed you down my top to keep you safe and warm.
You snuggled up under my chin, I barely felt you there, you were so small. Tubes and wires would get tangled and placed all over us, there were so many.
I lay back in my chair, the room so silent. I lightly kissed you on your head, trying not to disturb you too much. I would smell you as you slept so soundly on my chest. That baby smell that any mum can recognise, I wasn’t sure you would have but you did.
Those tiny little fingers grasped at my clothes as you made yourself comfortable. The alarms went off and the oxygen was turned up, the alarms went off and the oxygen was turned down.
You were my tiny delicate baby, yet you were stronger than all of us. The one I tried to hold on to but you were ready to make your appearance ahead of time. I would visit you as often as I could, and hold you in my arms for as long as I could. Even if that was only for an hour, that time was mine and yours.
Nobody else mattered when you were tucked up in my arms, nobody else was there. It was just me and you as I lay back in the chair and drifted in a light sleep listening to your breath, feeling your heart beat against my chest.
That feels a lifetime ago now. Now that you are nine months old and are so much bigger. I regret not being there as much as I wanted to be and not holding you more often. I tried to make up for it when you got home and wouldn’t put you down.
You were my tiny delicate baby. The one I tried to hold on to but you were ready to make your appearance ahead of time.
Now you are nine months old, the time has gone so fast. Now that you are nine months old you are growing up so quick.
Now you are nine months old you are chunky and squishy, there is so much of you to love.
I love the fact you now cuddle me back and slobber over my face when you kiss me.
I wish I could have kept you inside until you were ready and finished growing, but those special moments in the hospital. Those special moments I will remember forever. The fist time we fed you a bottle at 6 weeks old. Your first ever bath at 7 weeks old. The way you would turn your head towards us when you heard daddy’s voice when you were first born.
You being born prematurely may have not been the idea of a perfect pregnancy or birth. But you are perfect in everything you do.
The first time I held you was something special, a moment I will never forget. Every first we have together is special and cherished. A memory that holds a big piece of my heart.
Love you always